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Ah, the wedding vows. A solemn promise, a profound declaration of love, a beautiful testament of lifelong commitment. But who said it always had to be so serious?

Sometimes, injecting a bit of humor into the mix can create the most memorable moments that truly capture the essence of a couple’s bond.

If you and your partner share a love for laughter and the quirkier side of life, why not bring some of that spirit into your wedding vows?

After all, marriage is as much about joy and laughter as it is about love and commitment.

So, for those soon-to-be-married couples who revel in being raw, real, and ridiculously funny, this blog post is for you!

We’ve collected some of the best, most outrageous, and most hilarious examples of crude wedding vows.

These unfiltered nuptial promises will have you chuckling, snorting, and maybe even ROFL-ing as you read.

They may not be traditional, but they will make your big day unforgettable and filled with laughter.

Types of Crude Wedding Vows

Funny Wedding Vows

Humor is a great way to lighten the mood and bring fun to your wedding day. Funny wedding vows can range from simple one-liners to hilarious anecdotes about your journey together.

Here are a few examples of funny wedding vows:

“I promise to love you, even when you hog the remote control.”
“I vow to laugh at your dad jokes, no matter how cheesy they are.”
“I promise to be your partner in crime, as long as it involves ordering pizza and binge-watching our favorite shows.”

Offbeat Wedding Vows

For couples who prefer something less traditional, offbeat wedding vows can be a unique way to express your love and commitment.

These wedding vows often incorporate personal stories, pop culture references, or unusual metaphors. Here are some offbeat wedding vow examples:

“I promise to be the Jack to your Sally, for we were simply meant to be together.”
“Like a lighthouse in a storm, I’ll guide you through life’s ups and downs and always be your beacon of love and support.”
“I vow to protect you from spiders and other creepy crawlies, as long as you promise to save me from our future children’s diaper explosions.”

Crude Wedding Vows for Him and Her

For the Groom

Hey babe, as your husband-to-be, it’s time for me to promise a few crude yet sincere things. You know I love you, right? Let’s go.

I promise to be your partner in crime, even if it means doing the dishes or changing our future kid’s diapers.
I vow to be your light in those moments when things get, well, less awesome than they should be. Like when you can’t find your phone after a night out.
You’ll always be my strength, so even when Mom says we must clean the garage, I know we’ll survive together.

For the Bride

Alright, my turn to vow some potentially wild things. Here are my wedding vows for you, my groom, and my forever love:

I swear that I’ll always laugh at your terrible jokes, even if they only make us giggle on the inside.
Your love fills me with joy, like finding a $20 bill on the sidewalk – but way, way better.
With undying love, I promise we will synchronize our TV, Netflix, and snack choices – so we don’t waste date nights arguing over what to binge-watch.

During the ceremony, as we embark on this journey together, let’s remember that the tone and style of these vows aren’t what matters.

What truly matters is the vulnerability we share and the sincerity behind our promises.

Personalizing Your Crude Wedding Vows

When it comes to crafting your own crude wedding vows, it’s essential to make them truly representative of your personality and the unique bond you and your spouse share.

In this section, we’ll explore two sub-sections: Incorporating Unique Elements and Adapting Traditional Vows.

Incorporating Unique Elements

To make your crude wedding vows stand out, consider incorporating some of these elements:

Humor: Add some jokes or funny anecdotes that will make your spouse and guests laugh, as laughter can break the tension and create a relaxed atmosphere.
Inside jokes: Share something only you and your spouse know to make your vows more intimate and personal.
Nicknames: Address your spouse by a nickname you’ve given each other, adding a touch of playfulness.
Pop culture references: If you both share a love for a particular TV show, movie, or book, inject a quote or reference to express your unique bond.

Adapting Traditional Vows

You don’t have to abandon traditional vows completely; taking inspiration from conventional promises and giving them a fresh, crude twist is possible. For example:

Instead of saying, “I promise to love and cherish you, in sickness and health,” you could say, “I promise to love and cherish you even if you get sick from too many tequila shots.”
Replace “for richer, for poorer” with something like, “I promise to support you whether we’re eating ramen noodles or dining at a fancy Michelin-starred restaurant.”
If the traditional vow mentions “trust,” you might playfully adapt it: “I trust you with my Netflix password and my most embarrassing secrets.”
Commit to being each other’s confidant and perpetual cheerleader through every challenge, with a dose of humor: “I vow to encourage you and laugh with you every time we face yet another DIY home project gone wrong.”

Incorporating crude elements into your vows doesn’t mean disrespecting your spouse or the wedding ceremony.

By tapping into humor, personal stories, and a playful take on traditional vows, you can create an unforgettable and entertaining set of promises that will resonate with your spouse, witnesses and officiant.

Just make sure to strike a balance between sentiment and humor, ensuring that your vows still convey the love, commitment, and respect at the heart of your marriage.

Incorporating Humor and Inappropriate Content

When planning to incorporate humor into your wedding vows, it’s essential to find suitable inspiration that will make everyone laugh while still being respectful.

Some great sources of inspiration could be your favorite comedians, humorous quotes from movies, or even funny experiences you’ve shared as a couple.

Incorporating humor can create a light-hearted atmosphere for your wedding ceremony and involve your family, best friends, and guests in sharing memorable moments. Here are some tips for effectively adding humor and somewhat inappropriate content into your wedding vows:

Reflect on your relationship: Think about the funny moments you and your partner have shared, like inside jokes, amusing stories, or even the time you both laughed the hardest.
Personalize your vows: Include humor that resonates with both you and your partner, and avoid inside jokes that only a few people will understand.
Be mindful of your audience: Remember that your friends and family will be present during the ceremony, so keep your humor appropriate and sensitive to different age groups and sensibilities.

When adding humor and slightly crude content, be cautious not to cross the line into vulgarity or offensive language.

A friendly tone of voice will help to ensure that your vows remain in good taste. Here are a few examples of humor that can be included in your wedding vows:

“I promise to love you even when you snore like a chainsaw.”
“I vow to always laugh at your jokes, no matter how corny they may be.”
“I promise to be your partner, both in binge-watching our favorite shows and trying new adventures together.”
“I commit to continuously discovering new reasons to love you, even when you steal the blankets at night.”

Examples of Real Couples’ Crude Wedding Vows

Below are some examples of real couples’ crude wedding vows that still manage to convey romance and humor, demonstrating how couples can inject their own personalities into one of the most important moments of their lives.

Example 1:

“I promise to always be by your side, even when your breath stinks in the morning. Despite your terrible taste in TV shows, I’m excited to spend our nights binge-watching on the couch with you.”

Example 2:

“I promise to wipe away your drunken tears whenever you regret consuming too much wine. I solemnly swear to be your faithful partner in pizza binges and our mutual quest to find the world’s best burger.”

Example 3:

“I vow to always laugh at your crude jokes, no matter how terrible they may be and despite the fact that our friends and family may roll their eyes at our ridiculousness. I promise to be your fellow adventurer in awkward social situations.”

Here are some additional romantic quotes that can be incorporated into crude wedding vows:

“I want to be the reason for your uncontrollable laughter and the one to make you smile when life gets too difficult.”
“I vow to always be the person you can lean on, even if I’m the one who caused you to trip in the first place.”
“With you, every day feels like a new adventure, whether we’re exploring the world together or figuring out how to put together IKEA furniture.”