Etiquette

A Timeline Most Guests Will Recognize

• Six to eight months ahead: send save-the-dates, and earlier if guests need to travel or book time off. A destination wedding warrants more notice.
• Six to eight weeks ahead: send invitations with the RSVP date, the dress code and where to find the details.
• Two to three weeks ahead: set the RSVP deadline here, so you have time to chase late replies before the caterer needs a final count.
• One week ahead: confirm the seating chart and any dietary notes.
• Within about three months after: send thank-you notes. Handwritten ones mean more, and a short note for each gift is enough.

Wording That Avoids Awkwardness

Say what you mean on the invitation. If children aren't invited, address the envelope to the adults by name and say nothing else on the card. If you want guests to dress a certain way, state it plainly in words like "black tie" or "garden party", and see whether you can ask guests to wear a certain color for how to ask without causing offense.

When replies are late, a short and friendly nudge works best. These sample RSVP reminder messages cover the usual situations, from a first reminder to a final deadline.

Gifts, Registries And Cash

Guests choose their own amount, and a couple can't demand one. A registry or a simple line on your website is enough to say what you'd like. If guests ask, our guides on how much cash to give and what to give a neighbor show the range most people use.

As a host, thank people for gifts whether or not they attended, and say thank you in person on the day to the guests who traveled furthest.