We are all aware that weddings are a special occasion to honor love and pledge to spend a lifetime together.
But they can also be fun, especially when you inject some humor into the proceedings.
Why not consider adding one of the many funny wedding readings available?
These readings can be a great way to lighten the mood and create an enjoyable atmosphere for all guests.
Quick guide: all 38 readings by speaking time. Tap a column heading to sort.
Examples of Funny Wedding Readings For Your Special Day
From classic love poems to funny and light-hearted readings, there’s something for everyone. Here are just a few examples to get you started.
1. “A Word to Husbands” by Ogden Nash
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
2. “Be My Homer” by CJ Munn
Be my Homer
I wanna be your Marge.
If I’m your Norfolk Broads
Will you be my barge?
Let’s please be Tom and Barbara,
I will show you The Good Life.
Even though we’re not yet married
I would love to be your wife.
I’ve the passion Lily Munster
has for her dear Herman.
I would love you if you were ginger,
I would love you if you were German.
Like Mr and Mrs Huxtable,
We’d smooch even when we’re wrinkly.
I’ll even consider ironing your shirts,
But I hope you like them crinkly.
Like Mr and Mrs Incredible
I’m flexible and you’re tough.
But if you promise to be my true love
That will always be enough.
Like Bonny and that Clyde guy
without all the dying.
Like Gwyneth and that Coldplay man
without all the crying.
My partner in crime, the love of my life,
My muse, my joy, my fun.
Please be my one and only,
Cos you’ve always been ‘The One’.
3. “I Like You” by Sandol Stoddard Warburg
I like you and I know why
I like you because you are a good person to like
I like you because when I tell you something special, you know it’s special
And you remember it a long, long time
You say, Remember when you told me something special
And both of us remember
When I think something is important you think it’s important too
We have good ideas
When I say something funny, you laugh
I think I’m funny and you think I’m funny too
Hah-hah!
I like you because you know where I’m ticklish
And you don’t tickle me there except just a little tiny bit sometimes
But if you do, then I know where to tickle you too
You know how to be silly - that’s why I like you
If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag,
then you are getting ready to jump
HOORAY
I like you because when I am feeling sad
You don’t always cheer me up right away
Sometimes it is better to be sad
You can’t stand the others being so googly and gaggly every single minute
You want to think about things
It takes time
I like you because if I am mad at you
Then you are mad at me too
It’s awful when the other person isn’t
They are so nice and oooh you could just about punch them on the nose
I can’t remember when I didn’t like you
It must have been lonesome then
Even if it was the 999th of July
Even if it was August
Even if it was way down at the bottom of November
I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again
And that’s how it would happen every time
4. “What’s Mickey without Minnie?” From manticorethegreat.deviantart.com
What’s Mickey without Minnie,
Or piglet without pooh,
What’s Donald without Daisy?
That’s me without you.
When Ariel Doesn’t sing,
and Pooh hates honey,
when Tigger stops bouncing,
and Goofy isn’t funny.
When Peter Pan can’t fly,
and Simba never roars,
when Alice no longer fits
through small doors.
When Dumbo’s ears are small,
and happily ever after isn’t true,
Even then, I won’t stop loving you.
5. “I Rely On You” by Hovis Presley
I rely on you
like a camera needs a shutter
like a gambler needs a flutter
like a golfer needs a putter
like a buttered scone involves some butter
I rely on you
like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve
like a hairpin needs a drastic curve
like an HGV needs endless derv
like an outside left needs a body swerve
I rely on you
like a handyman needs pliers
like an auctioneer needs buyers
like a laundromat needs driers
like The Good Life needed Richard Briers
I rely on you.
6. “I Like You” by Ben Rector
There’s no need to complicate it
Dress it up or overstate it
Without too much hesitation
Here’s the way I feel
Well, I like you, I like you
Even when I don’t try to
Yes I do, that’s the truth
I like you
7. “He Never Leaves The Seat Up” by Anon
He never leaves the seat up
Or wet towels upon the floor
The toothpaste has the lid on
And he always shuts the door!
She’s very clean and tidy
Though she may sometimes delude
Leave your things out at your peril
In a second they’ll have moved!
He’s a very active person
As are all his next of kin
Whereas she likes lazy days
He’ll still drag her to the gym!
He romances her and dines her
Home cooked dinners and the like
He even knows her favourite food
And spoils her day and night!
She’s thoughtful when he looks at her
A smile upon his face
Will he look that good in 50 years
When his dentures aren’t in place?!
He says he loves her figure
And her mental prowess too
But when gravity takes her over
Will she charm with her IQ?
She says she loves his kindness
And his patience is a must
And of course she thinks he’s handsome
Which in her eyes is a plus!
They’re both not wholly perfect
But who are we to judge
He can be pig headed
Whereas she won’t even budge!
All that said and done
They love the time they spent together
And I hope as I’m sure you do
That this fine day will last forever.
He’ll be more than just her husband
He’ll also be her friend
And she’ll be more than just his wife
She’s be his soul mate - till the end.
8. “Grow Old With You” by The Wedding Singer
I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you
I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh, it could be so nice, growing old with you
I’ll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you
Feed you
Even let you hold the remote control
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink
Oh, I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you
9. “A Good Wedding Cake Recipe” by Anon
4lb of love
1lb of good looks
1/2lb of sweet temper
1lb of butter of youth
1lb of blindness of faults
1lb of pounded wit
1lb of good humour
2lbs of sweet argument
1 pint of rippling laughter
1 wine glass of common sense
A dash of modesty
Put the love, good looks and a sweet temper into a well-furnished house. Beat the butter of youth into a cream and mix well together with the blindness of faults.
Stir the pounded wit and good humour into the sweet argument, then add the rippling laughter and common sense.
Work it together until everything is well mixed and bake gently forever.
10. “Marriage” by Anon
Marriage is about giving and taking
And forging and forsaking
Kissing and loving and pushing and shoving
Caring and sharing and screaming and swearing
About being together whatever the weather
About being driven to the end of your tether
About sweetness and kindness
And wisdom and blindness
It’s about being strong when you’re feeling quite weak
It’s about saying nothing when you’re dying to speak
It’s about being wrong when you know you are right
It’s about giving in, before there’s a fight
It’s about you two living as cheaply as one
(you can give us a call if you know how that’s done!)
Never heeding advice that was always well-meant
Never counting the cost until it’s all spent
And for you two today it’s about to begin
And for all that the two of you had to put in
Some days filled with joy, and some days with sadness
Too late you’ll discover that marriage is madness.
11. “Love Is” by Adrian Henri
Love is…
Love is feeling cold in the back of vans
Love is a fanclub with only two fans
Love is walking holding paint stained hands
Love is.
Love is fish and chips on winter nights
Love is blankets full of strange delights
Love is when you don’t put out the light
Love is
Love is the presents in Christmas shops
Love is when you’re feeling Top of the Pops
Love is what happens when the music stops
Love is
Love is white panties lying all forlorn
Love is pink nightdresses still slightly warm
Love is when you have to leave at dawn
Love is
Love is you and love is me
Love is prison and love is free
Love’s what’s there when you are away from me
Love is…
12. “I Wanna Be Yours” by John Cooper Clarke
I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust
If you like your coffee hot
Let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots
I wanna be yours
I wanna be your raincoat
For those frequent rainy days
I wanna be your dreamboat
When you want to sail away
Let me be your teddy bear
Take me with you anywhere
I don’t care
I wanna be yours
I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out
I wanna be the electric heater
You’ll get cold without
I wanna be your setting lotion
Hold your hair in deep devotion
Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean
That’s how deep is my devotion
13. “I’ll Be There For You” by Louise Cuddon
I’ll be there my darling, through thick and through thin
When your mind’s in a mess and your head’s in a spin
When your plane’s been delayed, and you’ve missed the last train.
When life is just threatening to drive you insane
When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last page
When somebody tells you, you’re looking your age
When your coffee’s too cool, and your wine is too warm
When the forecast said “Fine”, but you’re out in a storm
When your quick break hotel, turns into a slum
And your holiday photos show only your thumb
When you park for five minutes in a resident’s bay
And return to discover you’ve been towed away
When the jeans that you bought in hope or in haste
Just stick on your hips and don’t reach round your waist
When the food you most like brings you out in red rashes
When as soon as you boot up the bloody thing crashes
So my darling, my sweetheart, my dear…
When you break a rule, when you act the fool
When you’ve got the flu, when you’re in a stew
When you’re last in the queue, don’t feel blue
’cause I’m telling you, I’ll be there.
14. “Some Things Go Together” by Charlotte Zolotow
Pairs of things that go together.
Pigeons with park
Stars with dark
Sand with sea
and you with me.
… Hats with heads
Pillows with beds
Sky with blue
and me with you.
15. “To My Valentine” by Ogden Nash
More than a catbird hates a cat,
Or a criminal hates a clue,
Or the Axis hates the United States,
That’s how much I love you.
I love you more than a duck can swim,
And more than a grapefruit squirts,
I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore,
And more than a toothache hurts.
As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea,
Or a juggler hates a shove,
As a hostess detests unexpected guests,
That’s how much you I love.
I love you more than a wasp can sting,
And more than the subway jerks,
I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch,
And more than a hangnail irks.
I swear to you by the stars above,
And below, if such there be,
As the High Court loathes perjurious oaths,
That’s how you’re loved by me.
16. “Yes, I’ll Marry You” by Pam Ayres
Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch, you see,
And you investigate.
Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.
Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!
It’s you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!
17. “Your Personal Penguin” by Sandra Boynton
“I like you a lot.
You’re funny and kind.
So let me explain
What I have in mind.
I want to be your personal penguin.
I want to walk right by your side.
I want to be your personal penguin.
I want to travel with you far and wide.”
18. “Let me put it This way” by Simon Armitage
“Let me put it this way:
if you came to lay your sleeping head against my arm or sleeve, and if my arm went dead,
or if I had to take my leave at midnight,
I should rather cleave it from the joint or seam than make a scene or bring you round.
There, how does that sound?”
19. “All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” by Robert Fulghum
All of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in Kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
These are the things I learned…
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Say sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Give them to someone who feels sad.
Live a balanced life.
Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day.
Take a nap every afternoon.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.
And it is still true, no matter how old you are when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
20. “Love Me When I’m Old” by Bee Rawlinson
Love me when I’m old and shocking
Peel off my elastic stockings
Swing me from the chandeliers
Let’s be randy bad old dears.
Push around my chromed Bath Chair
Let me tease your white chest hair
Scaring children, swapping dentures
Let us have some great adventures
Take me to the Dogs and Bingo
Teach me how to speak the lingo
Bone my eels and bring me tea
Show me how it’s meant to be
Take me to your special places
Watching all the puzzled faces
You in shorts and socks and sandals
Me with warts and huge love-handles
As the need for love enthralls
Wrestle with my damp proof smalls
Make me laugh without constraint
Buy me chocolate body paint
Hold me safe throughout the night
When my hair has turned to white
Believe me when I say it’s true
I’ve waited all my life for you
21. “Oh, the Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guys who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look ’em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.
It’s opener there
in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen
don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.
22. “Getting Married Means You’ll Have” by Nicholas Gordon
Getting married means you’ll have
Someone’s hand to hold,
Even when you’re feeling sick,
Even when you’re old.
It means when you sit down to eat,
Someone will be there,
So you won’t have to tell your day
To an empty chair.
It means that when you need some help,
Someone will help out,
Someone always near to you
So you won’t have to shout.
But best of all is when it’s time
To turn out all the lights:
You won’t have to be alone
Those long and scary nights.
So even though you don’t have toys,
You don’t have to care:
Once you’re married you can be
Each other’s teddy bear.
23. “We are all a little weird” by Dr. Seuss
We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
24. “A Vow” by Wendy Cope
I cannot promise never to be angry;
I cannot promise always to be kind.
You know what you are taking on, my darling -
It’s only at the start that love is blind.
And yet I’m still the one you want to be with
And you’re the one for me - of that I’m sure.
You are my closest friend, my favourite person,
The lover and the home I’ve waited for.
I cannot promise that I will deserve you
From this day on. I hope to pass that test.
I love you and I want to make you happy.
I promise I will do my very best.
25. ”ATLAS” by U.A. Fanthorpe
There is a kind of love called maintenance, which stores the WD40 and knows when to use it;
Which checks the insurance, and doesn’t forget The milkman; which remembers to plant bulbs;
Which answers letters; which knows the way The money goes, which deals with dentists
And Road Fund Tax and meeting trains,
And postcards to the lonely; which upholds
The permanently rickety elaborate
Structures of living; which is Atlas.
And maintenance is the sensible side of love,
Which knows what time and weather are doing
To my brickwork; insulates my faulty wiring;
Laughs at my dry rotten jokes; remembers
My need for gloss and grouting; which keeps
My suspect edifice upright in the air,
As Atlas did the sky.
26. “Falling In Love Is Like Owning A Dog” by Taylor Mali
Falling in love is like owning a dog
First of all, it’s a big responsibility, especially in a city like [insert city].
So think long and hard before deciding on love.
On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security: when you’re walking down the street late at night and you have a leash on love ‘ain’t no one going to mess with you.
Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable. Who knows what love could do in its own defence?
On cold winter nights, love is warm. It lies between you and lives and breathes and makes funny noises.
Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs. It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.
Love doesn’t like being left alone for long. But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life, but you can never be mad at love for long.
Is love good all the time? No! No!
Love can be bad.
Bad, love, bad!
Very bad love.
Love makes messes. Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
Love needs lots of cleaning up after. Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper and swat love on the nose, not so much to cause pain, just to let love know don’t you ever do that again!
Sometimes love just wants to go for a nice long walk. Because love loves exercise.
It runs you around the block and leaves you panting. It pulls you in several different directions at once, or winds around and around you until you’re all wound up and can’t move.
But love makes you meet people wherever you go. People who have nothing in common but love stop and talk to each other on the street.
Throw things away and love will bring them back, again, and again, and again.
But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops
27. “Love Actually”
“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport.
General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere.
Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.
When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love.
If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion love actually is all around.”
28. “When Harry Met Sally”
“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich.
I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts.
I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes.
And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve.
I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
29. “Gravitation” by Albert Einstein
“Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?
Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute.
That’s relativity.”
30. “A Lovely Love Story” by Edward Monkton
The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.
Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.
I like this Dinosaur thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny.
He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.
I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur, thought the Dinosaur. She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice.
She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.
But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
He is also overly fond of things.
Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?
But her mind skips from here to there so quickly, thought the Dinosaur. She is also uncommonly keen on shopping.
Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?
I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.
I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping, thought the Dinosaur. For she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.
Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old.
Look at them.
Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.
And that, my friends, is how it is with love.
Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together.
For the sun is warm.
And the world is a beautiful place.
31. “Bridled Vows” by Ian Duhig
I will be faithful to you, I do vow
but not until the seas have all run dry
etcetera: although I mean it now,
I’m not a prophet and I will not lie.
To be your perfect wife, I could not swear;
I’ll love, yes; honour (maybe); won’t obey,
but will co-operate if you will care
as much as you are seeming to today.
I’ll do my best to be your better half,
but I don’t have the patience of a saint;
not with you, at you I may sometimes laugh,
and snap too, though I’ll try to learn restraint.
We might work out: no blame if we do not.
With all my heart, I think it’s worth a shot.
32. “Tin Wedding Whistle” by Ogden Nash
Though you know it anyhow
Listen to me, darling, now,
Proving what I need not prove
How I know I love you, love.
Near and far, near and far,
I am happy where you are;
Likewise I have never larnt
How to be it where you aren’t.
Far and wide, far and wide,
I can walk with you beside;
Furthermore, I tell you what,
I sit and sulk where you are not.
Visitors remark my frown
Where you’re upstairs and I am down,
Yes, and I’m afraid I pout
When I’m indoors and you are out;
But how contentedly I view
Any room containing you.
In fact I care not where you be,
Just as long as it’s with me.
In all your absences I glimpse
Fire and flood and trolls and imps.
Is your train a minute slothful?
I goad the stationmaster wrothful.
When with friends to bridge you drive
I never know if you’re alive,
And when you linger late in shops
I long to telephone the cops.
Yet how worth the waiting for,
To see you coming through the door.
Somehow, I can be complacent
Never but with you adjacent.
Near and far, near and far,
I am happy where you are;
Likewise I have never larnt
How to be it where you aren’t.
Then grudge me not my fond endeavor,
To hold you in my sight forever;
Let none, not even you, disparage
Such a valid reason for a marriage.
33. “The Promise” by Eileen Rafter
The sun danced on the snow with a sparkling smile;
As two lovers sat quietly, alone for a while.
Then he turned and said, with a casual air
(though he blushed from his chin to the tips of his hair),
“I think I might like to get married to you.”
“Well then,” she said, “there’s a thought.
But what if we can’t promise to be all that we ought?
Can you promise me, say, that you won’t rage and shout,
If I’m late yet again, when we plan to go out,
For I know I can’t promise I’ll learn to ignore
Dirty socks or damp towels strewn all over the floor.
So if we can’t vow to be all that we should
I’m not sure what to do though the idea’s quite good.”
But he gently smiled and tilted his head
Till his lips met her ear and softly he said
“I promise to weave my dreams into your own,
that wherever you breathe will be my heart’s home.
I promise that, whether with rags or with gold I am blessed,
Your smile is the jewel I will treasure the best.
Do you think then, my love, we should marry - do you?”
“Yes, she said smiling, “I do.”
See also: Nerdy wedding readings, short wedding readings and non-religious readings for a ceremony that mixes laughs with heart.
How To Pick A Funny Reading That Works In A Ceremony
A funny reading has one job: get a laugh in the first ten seconds, then turn warm. The ones that fall flat usually try to be funny the whole way through and never land on anything sincere.
Before you commit to a reading from the list above, run it through four quick checks.
- Read it out loud. Poems that look funny on the page can trip up the tongue. If you stumble on a line, so will your reader.
- Check the room. Think about your grandparents, your officiant and anyone who may not know the reference. A joke that needs a TV show to make sense will only land with half the guests.
- Time it. Most couples leave two to four minutes per reading. The table below gives a speaking time for every reading on this page.
- Pick the reader, then the reading. A friend with natural timing can carry a long poem. A nervous reader does better with something short.
How Long Each Funny Reading Takes
We counted the words in every reading on this page and worked out a speaking time at a relaxed 130 words a minute. Real timing shifts with your reader and the laughs, so treat these as a guide. Across 33 readings, the shortest is "A Word to Husbands" by Ogden Nash at about 10 sec and the longest is "Falling In Love Is Like Owning A Dog" by Taylor Mali at about 2 min 40 sec.
Under 1 min (17): "A Word to Husbands" by Ogden Nash (10 sec); "Some Things Go Together" by Charlotte Zolotow (15 sec); "We are all a little weird" by Dr. Seuss (15 sec); "I Like You" by Ben Rector (20 sec); "Your Personal Penguin" by Sandra Boynton (25 sec); "Let me put it This way" by Simon Armitage (25 sec); "Gravitation" by Albert Einstein (30 sec); "What's Mickey without Minnie?" From manticorethegreat.deviantart.com (30 sec); "I Rely On You" by Hovis Presley (40 sec); "A Vow" by Wendy Cope (50 sec); "A Good Wedding Cake Recipe" by Anon (50 sec); "Getting Married Means You'll Have" by Nicholas Gordon (50 sec); "Grow Old With You" by The Wedding Singer (50 sec); "ATLAS" by U.A. Fanthorpe (55 sec); "Bridled Vows" by Ian Duhig (55 sec); "Love Actually" (55 sec); "I Wanna Be Yours" by John Cooper Clarke (55 sec).
1 min to 2 min (13): "Love Is" by Adrian Henri (1 min); "When Harry Met Sally" (1 min); "To My Valentine" by Ogden Nash (1 min 5 sec); "Love Me When I'm Old" by Bee Rawlinson (1 min 10 sec); "Marriage" by Anon (1 min 15 sec); "Oh, the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss (1 min 15 sec); "Be My Homer" by CJ Munn (1 min 15 sec); "Yes, I'll Marry You" by Pam Ayres (1 min 25 sec); "All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" by Robert Fulghum (1 min 35 sec); "I'll Be There For You" by Louise Cuddon (1 min 35 sec); "The Promise" by Eileen Rafter (1 min 35 sec); "Tin Wedding Whistle" by Ogden Nash (1 min 55 sec); "He Never Leaves The Seat Up" by Anon (1 min 55 sec).
2 min to 3 min (3): "I Like You" by Sandol Stoddard Warburg (2 min 20 sec); "A Lovely Love Story" by Edward Monkton (2 min 20 sec); "Falling In Love Is Like Owning A Dog" by Taylor Mali (2 min 40 sec).
Five Short Funny Readings Written For This Page
If nothing on the list fits, these five are ours. They are short, they need no backstory, and you are welcome to read any of them at your wedding. Change a detail or two so it sounds like the two of you.
Terms And Conditions
Before the vows, a few terms and conditions.
By marrying today, you agree to share the blanket, even when one of you is a blanket thief.
You agree that "five minutes" means ten, "almost ready" means find a snack, and "I'm fine" needs a follow-up question.
You agree to laugh at the same bad jokes for the next fifty years.
There is no small print. There is only this: choose each other again, especially on the days when it takes effort.
The Thermostat Treaty
Love is deciding that the thermostat is a matter for diplomacy.
One of you is always cold. One of you is always warm. Today you promise to keep negotiating, to keep a spare sweater in the car, and never to touch the dial without a quick look across the sofa.
Anyone can love someone in perfect weather. These two are signing up for the full climate.
The Small Things
Marriage is mostly small things.
Who loads the dishwasher the correct way. Who finds the missing keys. Who says "we should call them" and who actually makes the call.
Somewhere in all of that, a life gets built. Not in the big speeches, but in a thousand small favors and about as many gentle eye rolls.
The Wi-Fi Password
I would give you my Wi-Fi password. I would let you pick the show. I would even let you have the last slice.
That is how you know this is real.
The Job Description
Today you are taking on the toughest role of your lives: best friend, chauffeur, tech support, travel planner and chief taster of whatever the other one just cooked.
The pay is terrible. The hours are endless. The benefits are the person standing in front of you.
Both of you applied. Both of you got the job.
Funny Wedding Reading Questions
Can I have a funny reading in a religious ceremony?
Ask your officiant first. Many churches set the readings for the service. A Catholic wedding, for example, uses readings from scripture, so a funny poem is better saved for the rehearsal dinner or the reception. Civil and secular ceremonies usually have no restriction.
How long should a wedding reading be?
One to three minutes is typical. At a relaxed speaking pace that is roughly 130 to 400 words. If you plan more than one reading, keep the total under about six minutes so the ceremony keeps moving.
Who should read it?
Pick someone who is comfortable with a microphone and who knows both of you. Give them the text a few weeks ahead, ask them to practice out loud twice, and print a large-type copy for the day.
Can I read something from a movie or TV show?
Yes. Short lines work best, and they land best when the reader says where they come from. We list several on our guide to wedding readings from movies and TV. If you want something quick and sincere to follow the laugh, see our short wedding readings.
Final Thoughts
So, there you have it - a few funny wedding readings that will add some fun to your ceremony.
But don’t forget, the best readings are always those that resonate with you and your partner. So choose wisely!